🥤 The Watercooler | The April Connection (Part 1)

Baxter is officially joining my office team as my CAO (Chief Attention Officer) 🐶 He’ll be monitoring all activity, issuing frequent barking updates, and staring at or pawing at you repeatedly whenever he feels your focus isn’t where it should be—which, of course, is on him.

I have a Productivity Consultant and a Sr. Snack Inspector. Max (L) and Leo (R) are my office companions, furniture and fixture inspectors and all-around cuddlebugs. When they’re not off on mysterious cat errands, they’re diligently ensuring that my office couch is comfy and snacks are on point. They feature on the occasional call, but prefer a behind the scenes role for the most part. 

I have two (Under)Desk Managers, caught red-pawed staging a hostile takeover.

Kira (Chief of Big Ears) and Paul (Senior VP of Obstruction) have officially unionized, and my under-desk treadmill is their picket line. Their primary demands? A 300% increase in treats and an immediate freeze on all “steps” until further notice.

This is external logistics expert, Jovie, Head of Shipping & Receiving MBA (Masters of Barking Acoustics)

She has a 100% detection rate for all incoming packages and unauthorized visitors. Her vocal notification system ensures the regional office knows when a delivery is made, and her mandatory inspection policy means no potentially treat-containing bag enters the premises without a thorough audit. 10/10, would hire again.

We have found that with this particular employee, the language barrier can sometimes be a limitation (that or her stubbornness). I’ve reached out to HR to discuss her workplace conduct, as her strategy of too many kisses during my focus time has created an unprofessional (albeit very silly) work environment.

Introducing my duo of 'Under-Desk Coordinators,' Rico and Rhodie. They’ve mastered the art of napping all day, right up until the moment I un-mute on a call, which is their cue to start a high-stakes wrestling match. Their current strategic initiative is to ensure I never leave my chair without paying a 'pet tax' first, and honestly, their enforcement is flawless.